07 June 2012

Rainbows Skies

Starting to consider my tea limit intake as the sun plays peek-a-boo this summer.So far I’ve managed 3 – 4 cups a day of green lemon tea every time I feel shivers. Is not a matter of adjustment, as I later realize as my boyfriend actually asked for the fleece blanket to sleep while it’s summer. It’s just plain and simply cold. When I arrived temperatures were so lovely I could wear my dresses without figuring out what skirt or pant goes with what shirt. One of the few beauties I liked of the tropic. I’m a lazy dresser, I’m a lazy shopper, and that’s not very convenient in my new Dutch life. I guess I should have listen to my mom when I was younger about caring a bit more about what I wear. But honestly, I don’t really like spending 5 hours choosing what to wear. So now I have in mission trying to rebuild my wardrobe with pieces that can match with each other at ease. This limits my color spectrum of course. But it saves me headaches and changing rounds just because the boyfriend don’t think the pieces match. I will never get rid of that complain, am I? Yup… my kids are going to be of daddy… mommy is not cool enough.

I haven’t really gone out much except for my daily hour walk around the city to remind myself that I’m not living in an post-apocalyptic empty silent building. (Except for the occasional rebuilding noises after the fire.) I am adjusting, just as I have been years ago. And for some reason, it still doesn’t feel as I am here to stay. Maybe it will sink in when I get my letter of acceptance. Perhaps it does when I get my own bike. Probably when I have my own desk, my small sanctuary where old fashioned paper meets the wonders of technology and OCD. Whenever it might be, I am wondering how it might feel like. I wonder how much I will miss Puerto Rico and my family then. Even though I’m not of a missing person, except for the occasional pindasaus cravings when I was in PR, or my boyfriend. With everything else I pretty much go with the flow of life. But I wonder how much I will miss the warm breeze, the hot burning sun on the skin, and the rainbow skies. When I left Puerto Rico, through the window of an old couple on the left side of the plane, the island bid me farewell with the most majestic sky I’ve ever seen. Perfectly aligned rainbow colors, from purple to pink and towards the greens and blues, all colors shining in the evening sky wishing me good luck. It almost felt I was riding some kind of mystical airplane to another planet. Until the old man had some health emergency and my slept went disrupted the whole 9 hours.

I’ve known here is where I belong ever since the first day I arrived. But I’m still wondering how will life treat me here. I still wonder what kind of career I build myself. What kind of people I become friends with. What kind of family I will raise. Will I draw, will I write, will I enjoy every moment of my waking life? But in the end, what I am sure of, what I absolutely know for certain, is that this is home, and the life I make will be a responsibility of my own, however it turns out it will be because of what I did and did not did and I will blame no one, and thank many. I might not see rainbow skies in this land, but a bigger rainbow shines in my heart whenever I sip warm tea in a cold night while I hear fingers typing away and eyes peeking at each other now and then.

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