07 November 2009



We dream to do so many things in life, sometimes we don’t know where or start or how… or in most cases we can’t see the door. If we do see it, we are too afraid to go through it. We don’t know what lies ahead, and yet some people dare go through. Over a year ago, I decided to go through one very special door to a world I could only but imagine. Almost a year ago, I went through. What I found was more beautiful that I could have imagined. You can say I was lucky, I say I was blessed. I was given the chance one morning, and afraid, VERY afraid, I took it. I was so afraid that pondering the decision was making my heart race and my breathing heavy. But yet I felt it was that or nothing. And there isn’t a moment I am  not grateful about it.

That single journey took me through so much emotions I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise. The melancholies, the sadness, the joy, the love, friendship, unconditional loving, anger, lots of patience, so much more than the life I had. I changed my way of living, I grew stronger, wiser, and still learning. During that time, I dreamed, I wished, I prayed, I ask, for one single thing. Someone said I would have it, on a price. A price I wasn't willing to pay, cause that which I had to pay was the whole point of this.  And I started to control that, I started to manipulate this reality of mine. What I learned, I still have to make a small sacrifice. But knowing what that person said now turned wrong, gives me hope, that maybe this is how things should be, in order for me to have that one wish.

I wasn’t happy with this “no-other-option” decision. But slowly I’ve grown accepting to it. It’s the reason I wasn’t able to write here in so long. I was having one of those “negative” periods. Was having a great deal of a hard time accepting what was inevitable. I am sorry for failing at some point to you by loosing my faith in this… but you gave me the strength back. And now I am looking forward to what come next. One thing I am sure of, my family will be looking at me weird for a few months when they see how much I changed character wise. Three months and counting, but with a certainty that maybe this is how it’s supposed to go for it to work out. For me to, for us, to get the life we want. I will be taking a different path that I intended, the goal is the same, but maybe this path will be much more rewarding. In a way I can’t wait to be back home, on the other hand, I don’t want it to hurry just yet.
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