CURRENTLY READING:The Supernova Era by Liu Cixin

18 June 2009

I remember when I was young-ER (I'm still young), my mom would always talk to herself complaining about us. I often hated this in such a way sometimes I confront her about it. Later on we took it as a joke and just designated to the fact that is how she deal with things. Then, I understood it's her way to keep herself healthy when she don't have others to talk about her complains. Talking with yourself is not a matter of being crazy or not, in fact is a very healthy habit. The problem comes when all those "selves" are unsynchronized and acquire separated personalities. Now that's a bigger issue which I won't talk about. For those of you who don't suffer from any pathological disturbances, it can be a healthy thing.

Often we find ourselves repeating things other people say to use. The strange and unfortunate thing is that we often repeat those negative things. And we only depend on the positive if someone outside repeat it often. Negative self talks are as bad or worst as people insulting you. It keeps you defeated and convinced that there is no other way. This sometimes ends up in mental disorders. The positive talk on the other hand, does wonders to you. Is the same as reprogramming your mind. Not exactly self-affirmations, as honestly I find that dull, no offense if it works for you. It's more like an inner conversation between your Ego and your Inner self, unconsciousness. Take this situation for example:

You are walking around the kitchen and you let a glass fall and break. You were distracted by what was going on outside the window. And your kid was just close enough, running happily to you, cutting with the glass. Harsh, I know. This is what happens:
Negative talk:

Ego- Oh no! What have I done! If I would have been paying more attention this wouldn't have happened. I'm so stupid and irresponsible! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Unconscious- Don't be like that, you didn't saw it there, it was an accident.

Ego- That's what I mean! I should've pay more attention! I'm so stupid!

And it goes on and on convincing yourself that you bring tragic to others. (This is just an example)

Positive Talk:

Ego- Oh no! What have I done! If I would have been paying more attention this wouldn't have happened. I'm so stupid and irresponsible! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Unconscious- Don't be like that, you didn't saw it there, it was an accident.

Ego- You are right, accidents happen... still... I feel guilty about it

Unconscious- Of course you do, but right now the important thing is to get him to the hospital to disinfect it and close the wound.

Ego- Yes I know! No point in feeling guilty if I  don't do anything about it!

Unconscious- That's my girl! (this one i often use *laugh*)

This is a really hard exercise to do. But it's very useful in situations when it requires you to analyze quickly the next step. Sometimes can be things as, "why should I join the band?", "why should I apply to this job?", "should I accept this offer?", and so on. Often when I am unclear to think, I recur to writing. Writing is my personal first therapy. I use it since I was in middle school to deal with all sort of self stem problems and social fear. Later on I used it to discover more about myself, by allowing myself to write without judging it. Just trying to understand and organize my thoughts. At one point when I was about to graduate I was being possessed by self-doubt. So I wrote myself an interview. I would answer myself and ask myself about that which I answered. In the end, it served me to organize my ideas around what I wanted to do. Till this day I need to do it. It's a healthy way for me to structure my thoughts and feelings about situations. Often too many voices in my head is hard to understand. I play this kind of role switch. First I write from a caring positive point of view. Then I write from a harsh reality point of view. Since this harsh way of seeing things is out of my reality, I have to recur to the question "what would XXXXX say?". XXXXX being a friend who I know would react that way, and I start from there. I get really good results. I just try to keep myself positive regardless of. And try always to listen to that kind voice in my head.
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