CURRENTLY READING:The Supernova Era by Liu Cixin

03 February 2009

Expat

An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, motherland).
(writing in 30 mins XD)

“No, I’m an Au Pair.”

This is a weird word for me still. I see many people adopt this title as they become involve in a new culture. You could say as soon as I choose this way of life temporally, I’m an expat. But no, I honestly don’t like that word. Even though full of excitement, I find it kind of lonely. Saying I’m an expat is like saying I have renounce to my own home country. And, as much as I dislike like 75% of how it works, it still is my home, where I can go whenever something goes really wrong. And saying I’m an expat, aka, expatriate, is like saying I don’t have that home anymore and I will be stuck here no matte the circumstances.  I was just reading a blog entry from an expat living here for a long while now, still struggling with getting along with the culture. But I noticed the difference, she is still non-attached to the country. She stays because of personal attachments, but not to the country. While I, as soon as I set foot here, I got attached. I can’t say how much, I can’t say for how long, but I really feel good here. I feel I have a life, I feel I can do things, I feel I have a chance at actually being part of something.

Puck loves art, she reminds me so much of myself at her age, in EVERYTHING. Her whole personality, so much alike. And whenever she sees me drawing, there is this light on her face, as if she is seeing magic taking place. She is starting to copy my drawings, which is like the best way possible for her to learn. That’s how I learned. And she does it really nicely. And if in a year, I can get this kid, really involved in it, I would feel a great accomplishment. And things like that are what makes me feel so happy here. Feeling I have the chance to play a role of someone more than just another “smart pretty girl who is good on art.” It’s still hard for me to communicate with her, not because of the language barrier, but because of our personality so alike. We both think a lot about what to say, instead of just talking. It’s like this tie form inside my neck, preventing me from asking her what she wants me to draw. It comes so easy for most people, I’m actually jealous. But I’m trying hard to be more bold, in everything.

I have to, in order to survive here, I really have to be more bold. I have it in me, I actually am if the situation requires it. But is like I have to be forced to be so. And well this is what we call change. I am learning here to grow and take actions into my account, it’s taking time, and it is taking a lot of effort and energy, but I hope in the end is worth it. A beautiful tree still growing tall, that’s why I do it, that’s my courage.

I don’t think I’m an expat. I have a home country, I’m just in a different time zone. You can say that if I find myself here, by life unknown circumstances for like 5 to 7 years, I can be call an expat without problem. My home country would have change so much, I would be like a stranger in homeland. So basically I would find myself without feeling at home. I don’t know what my future holds here. I’ve only been here for less than 4 weeks. But I want to find out, and I’m willing to go to extra mile. And I will do my best. I feel this is where I’m supposed to be. Like waking up from a long dream and finally facing reality, in the most difficult, harsh, exiting, wonderful way. And I don’t regret it a single bit. Back at home, apart form my family and friends, nothing kept me attached to that country. And I really mean nothing, which resulted in me trying to find other worlds online. And now I’m here, all because of a “silly game” I started to play over two years ago. So I guess my “addiction” back them was all worth it. Here I do enjoy how things work, here I feel I have so much to do, to learn. Back at home, everything was easy, I just ask for it, and I would always have it, always. Here, I need to work for it, and that’s something I deeply appreciate, for is the work and energy I put into it that makes me attached to it.

This is a new life, the one I was looking forward to all my life. Do I miss my home? I rather not say, many might be hurt. I do miss a few people, but home? You go guess.
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