New Year

I shall start this by saying, happy new year 2009 and hope all your wishes and hopes come true! I like writing entries each year. Recapping my year and looking forward to the next. What can I say, 2008 has been one heck of a ride… like you have NO IDEA. Everything changed, a lot of things ended, just to give chance to wonderful new ones. I started the year kind of difficult, it got better as I let go of some things. I felt free, but at the same time things were changing at a speed I could barely keep track of. I would write from 3 to 6 pages on my journal daily trying to keep track of all that was going on. Trying to make sense of it all. Some things just were impossible to find any sense at all. Just accept and embrace. And so I did, and I have never been more grateful in my life. I gave up, I asked only for a small miracle, and I shall not do anything else but that, wait and pray. And just few days after, it started to happen, and it did.

As my end of University approached, I had to let go of that too, and try to find my place. It was harder than I thought, but I kept searching for a way and a place. I’m sure many were saying like “good for you” but thinking, “you’re nuts, that’s impossible”. And sure, proved harder than expected, so instead of giving up entirely, I choose another path. After so many tears and countless sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do, I gave up.  Ready to accept life as it was, ready to just accept an ordinary life I so much hated while I got a chance to do and be something different. The next day, I wake up, with that same feeling I get everything something is about to change. The feeling that that day holds something special for me. And I get on the computer. And tired, without wanting to think, I just stared at my options. And there it was, the one option that eluded me all those months. And I got my chance, more wonderful that I had asked for.

All this year, my life have been lead by those two single miracles I hold so dear to me. They are the most important thing for me right now. For they will also play a big role in my life next year. Next year, it’s such a big year for me like many don’t have a clue. It’s what I’ve been looking forward to all my life. Ever since I could hold and read books. Is the biggest gift life could give me after all these years. I must say, this year was indeed hard. i cried like I never had, but it was all so worth it. I don’t care if I have to go through it again if this feeling of gratitude is my reward. This feeling I have, this wonderful gratitude, this happiness, it’s worth all those nights and more. What is happening in my life right now, is pure magic, and I wouldn’t want it otherwise.

As 2009 approach, it fills me with more expectations than never before. I look forward to it more than any other year. I miracles, just started in 2008, they will just intensify in 2009. I just know so. Sure, I know I will cry a lot, I feel feel lonely countless of times, but heck I will never regret. The rewards after that are countless. Many people feel sad and lonely at time, it’s only a matter of being conscious that no matter what, eventually everything will fall into place. I held on to that, countless of time. I would just get stronger, I would just grow more hopeful. And hold to that saying that says, when you are about to give up, it’s when things start to change, so don’t give up. That proved true to me. This is a wonderful feeling.

For all the friends I lost, for all the friends I made, for all the memories I will never regret, thank you.
 For all that is to come, for all the love and all the warmth, thank you even more. The ride is not over yet, it just started.

she writes