Letting Go Letting Life

How it all start? Realizing the real cost to study in Spain I felt a bucket of cold water falling over me, and I mean the whole thing, even the bucket itself. So I decided to give it a rest, since I was so exhausted already of so much thinking. But on my 22th birthday I had faith that this year, would be like no other. And that September would be the start of it all. My hope was to travel in any way possible, to Europe, and try to stay as long as possible. So I was settling for a 3 month stay as vacation if I won the money someway. In the mean while I decided I would write non-stop a novel, in the hopes that people would like it and that would help me get where I wanted to go. What was the reason? A few people know I won’t get into that, although an important part of the story, not something to write publicly.

But yes, my desire to go was stronger each day and I was happy but at the same time sad since I was uncertain of how it would happen. My only faith was that I knew I would, I just didn’t knew how, and that was a bit frustrating… ok, a lot. So one day I wake up, go on the computer for my daily routine; email, facebook, myspace, youtube, and then breakfast. So I was bored afterwards, everyone was out of the house except for mom and my nephew who was asleep. So I decided to start searching again for options, after a while of not doing so. I mean, I was sure that day was important, I just didn’t know how much. And then, I don’t remember on which website I found out, but I did found out, that magical word: “Au Pair” (ok two).

I didn’t know what it was, but as always I went and use google’s define function. And I read, and I was skeptic of such job existing. Why would families pay some stranger form another country to play and take care of their kids? So I went and did some research, found blogs, videos, accounts experiences, both good and bad… and my heart would beat faster at every minute. That was it; my heart would beat and beat as I got as exited and happy as I haven’t in a while. I was afraid to fill up the registration form. And after a few walks around the house, pondering about it, talking to myself, I click the send button. It was addicting. I started making up better letters and subscribing to other sites; except for one, the last one.

I evaded Great Aupair website because I thought it was just informative and that registration was not free; turn out I wasn’t reading well. After two days I decided to look for information on more websites, and everyone would recommend that one I often evaded. So I went online and registered. I found more families where I wanted to be than on the others. And of those families I marked around 5 as possible candidates, in the hope that one of them would contact me. I had my eyes on one. But there was this one family I just marked but didn’t pay attention to, because of the city, never was of my interest.

So I went to sleep at night and I prayed. I am very faithful when it comes to praying, if you really pray with your heart you will be listened, regardless of your religion or faith. Me in particular, even though raised by a catholic family, I don’t hold any personal religion. It’s just the act that matters for me, because I know, whatever it is, it listens and answers. And so I pray for a family that would take good care of me as I would of them, that the children would feel safe with me as I would feel safe with them. A family where I know my family wouldn’t worry because I am in a safe place, and where I would have the time of my life.

And so I went to sleep, and the next morning, wondering if I got an email, I saw it. It was them; they add me too to the list. I was reading their profile over and over again and thinking: “they were the last family I expected to contact me”. And I hesitated to answer at first, afraid of what they would think of me. I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I was really looking forward to it. And most of all, I was afraid they would reject me because I still don’t have a passport. I answered after a bit, and they answered back with a few questions. I answered them honestly; it was the longest I’ve written a letter in a while.

They understood the passport issue and I hoped they could wait for updates on it. Turned out they gave me the go to keep them updated. They even sent me a whole manual which I was stunned by. I searched more on the city, and the area, I fell in love. I wanted to go so badly! And so, I went to get my passport. It’s due in a week or so from now. I prayed last night for a sign, for them to show in any way that is ok, that they are really considering me. And they answered my email with an “OK” at the beginning.Might look silly, but it was exactly what I asked for. And now I’m awaiting the email from their current Aupair. So I can email them back.

I’m really looking forward to this, more than ever. This will be such a change, scary and exiting. Let go and let life, look what happens. Isn’t it wonderful? My family is still skeptic about it. Don't know dad since I haven't told him. But I guess they resigned to the fact that either I do what I wish like this, or I stay and do nothing at all wasting my life. And well, it's too early to make a party about it, even if I'm talking to that family, there's a chance they don't pick me. I would be heartbroken, I'm looking forward to so much right now with them. Even playing the kids! But so far so good, I check their profile out of fear and they haven't answered anyone else yet. Which gives me hope.

"A ship is safe in harbor - but that's not what ships are for." - John A. Shedd

she writes